


love letters to anonymous

by ElegantSoldier



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Broken Heart, Depression, Freeform, Gen, Poetry, Test run, feedback, no fandom poetry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-28
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 18:25:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8678413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElegantSoldier/pseuds/ElegantSoldier
Summary: just as it says. love letters to an anonymous recipient





	

**Author's Note:**

> i do apologize for the style if it isn't your fancy. what i want you to get from this is whether you believe it or not, you mean the world and a half to someone. don't ever give up hope.   
> this work will require much more editing and revising. i'm not even halfway done. be patient.   
> enojy,  
> K

1\. The Good-Times  
it’s so warm under the covers next to you. i don’t want to get up but i can’t be late to work again. your body fits so well with mine i feel as though there’s nowhere else in this world that needs my presence quite like you do. your fingers trace my body as i move to kiss your forehead. i don’t want to leave. i get up anyway. i make a pot of coffee. french vanilla just like you like. personally i hate it but it makes you happy. i drink it anyway and leave the rest for you. i know how much you love little notes in the morning. “goodmorning, love. have a good day” signed, me. i leave it next to the coffee pot. i know that’s where you go first thing in the morning. i sip the coffee i hate and think about you. about your smile. about the way you sleep. you make me weak and you know you do. you play it well. and i don’t even mind. i love the way you torture me. as crazy as it sounds. your personality is my religion. your body is my sanctuary. you are my everything. my everything wrapped in soft cotton t-shirts and blue jeans. my need for breathing. my need for a heartbeat. before you there was nothing. nothing but loneliness and hatred. hatred for myself mostly. you took all that with the swipe of your hand on my swollen face. my red tear soaked face somehow drew you in. you came in so suddenly. a perfect storm. a perfect storm on my shattered heart. a beautiful hurricane on the shorelines of my soul. you took away the broken pieces and filled them with your beauty and grace. you filled me. you keep me whole. you are why i work a job i hate. why i make coffee i can’t stand. you are why i sacrifice. i sacrifice so much for you. i still do. and always will.   
it’s seven. if i stick around any longer i’ll be late. i leave the house. im alone in my car. the ride takes almost an hour. an hour to think about you. your laugh. it’s contagious. it makes me lose my breath. i can’t help but laugh when i hear it. it makes me happy. you make me happy. i like when you laugh. your eyes squint and your nose crinkles. your teeth show. i know you hate them. i think they are cute though. you make everyone feel at home. that’s very hard to do. you are a pro though. you are beautiful. stunning. my eyes are locked on you all day. the way your mouth crinkles when you smile. you make me feel alive. i’ve never felt alive with anyone else. i notice the leaves changing. hunting season is coming up. i also know that you will spend countless hours in a tree stand without a gun just because you like to watch the deer. you are truly remarkable. you’re soft and i like that. not a mean bone in your body. please stay that way. the autumn air stings my face and it reminds me. it reminds me of our first date. i picked you up and we went out for pizza and a movie. you talked the whole time and i can honestly say i’m so happy i spent eight bucks to listen to you talk about when you were younger. i’d pay to hear it all over again too. don’t you ever change. i know they say everything changes, but you should try to fight it as best you can. you are completely perfect. perfect for me, perfect for this world. you are like oxygen. you are always needed. always craved. you are irreplaceable. 

2\. The Worst-Times  
You are leaving me. it’s been two and a half years and you just walked out. you left me. i’ve been sitting on your side of the bed crying for the past three hours. i can recall the fight that lead to this. i can also remember how it felt to hold you. your skin softly reflecting the moon outside my bedroom window. my world has become somewhat of a wasteland since you left. the sun doesn’t shine as bright and the birds singing isn’t as beautiful. there is a piece of me that believes you’ll come back still. but that piece is, ultimately, wrong. our old friends still keep in touch with me. they make me sad though, because they remind me of you. they don’t seem to notice i’ve become a ghost of my former self. without you they moon doesn’t shine through my window anymore. the stars don’t show every night. neither do i. my life makes no sense. but our friends. they don’t understand that i don’t say anything because silence is my loudest cry for help. they don’t realize a person can say so much and it be nothing, but say nothing and it be everything. but i press on. what else have i to do? my heart aches for the old us. the one that drove away all my fears. and chased away my demons. the one that made me believe in love again. i open my window and sit on the roof. alone this time. the moon and the stars are pretty. but they’d be prettier with you. i can’t believe i did this. i screwed up. i didn’t have to sleep with someone else. but i did. and i can still remember what i said to you when you left. ‘they were nothing but a warm body. there isn’t electricity in their fingertips or fire and ice simultaneously in their eyes as they stared right through me. they aren’t you and that's crystal clear. no one's touch could ever ignite me like yours does.’ but you were gone. already in your car as i begged for forgiveness. they were no one. just a body under bedsheets. yet, everything i ever stood against was everything i became. i’m sorry i let them get the best of me. never again. i promise you. never again. 

 

3\. The Love-Effect  
i hope they love you. all of you. i hope they love how you cherish the simple things. i hope they love how you sing off key in the car on purpose. i hope they love how you jump from activity to activity. i hope they love you for you. i hope that they tickle you just to hear that wonderful laugh of yours like i did. i hope their love to you is unconditional and unwavering. i hope they aren’t stuck in love purgatory like i was. loving you was hell on me. but heaven to me. hell because you killed me in so many ways. heaven because you taught me to love myself. hell because i was drug through piles of broken glass to make you happy. heaven because i’d gladly do it again. my heart would do it all over again. i can’t begin to explain what your love had done for me. there were times when i truly believed i would end up nowhere. slowly fading away into the darkness as some disease took over my life. but you, you grabbed me by the hand and pulled me out of that. i was a love sick puppy, trapped by your undying support and loyalty. maybe i was not trapped and more held tightly by how gracefully you loved me. if loving you meant being tied down and still being able to fly, sign me up. our first month together, and even later i would hear breakup songs and worry. i’d get scared but now, oh honey now i listen to the countless amounts of songs that talk about love working out. i get so happy knowing that we were living out our own love song. now we are nothing more than a sad song played over and over on repeat until it is worn out and warped. 

4\. The Lie-Factor  
you lie to me. everyday you lie. not the bad kind of lie. but more of a ‘trying to save me lie’. i’ve never been more hurt yet relieved in all my years of existence. you tell me you are fine, but i know you aren’t. i know your sickness hurts. i also know the treatment hurts worse. just know your lying is justified. there’s nothing either of us could do if you told me the truth though. absolutely nothing.


End file.
